Re Write your woes and troubles here

Thank you for your wishes guys. You are all so lovely. I hope you don't mind if I have a little bit of a selfish rant here. it might not make much sense but I need to write. I hate bipolar. I confuse myself so much sometimes. I cannot stop what I do or feel and I just wish I were 'normal'. Most days I am fine. Some weeks I am manic..other times I am very confused/destructive/depressed. I ruin things and push people away and I really don't mean to. I am aware I am doing it and I tell myself to stop..but I cannot. I am awful at relationships..this is why. Nothing has happened particularly to bring this on (in terms of the girl I was tlaking about earlier, I mean)..I am just a fool for liking people because I NEVER get what I want back. Yesterday I was positive..but why? I don't know. I am fretting. I am anxious..confused..tired..all the bad things. I do hate my brain and its chemicals sometimes. I change in an instant from so happy to whatever the mood may be. It sucks. It is hard - yes, everybody has issues and things to deal with - but I just HATE this so much. I HATE my mental health. Would love to just have depression or better still, NO mental problems. Then I wouldn't take meds..or would just take one lot of meds for depression. But no..I have to have to go the whole hog and be born with stupid fat imbalances everywhere to give me bipolar. I spend money I don't have when manic. I do stupid things..and say even stupider things when manic. I cause situations when manic. I CANNOT STOP!! When depressed I just sleep..that is it. Mania is said to be the good part of bipolar - yeah, I disagree with that so much. I hate it. I hate it all. I don't know how I can achieve all my dreams and goals in life when this plays such a big part in who I am. It ruins so much. Especially relationships. I am freaking out. This is what happens. Jess is 12 years younger than me and so gorgeous..and then there is me. I love myself but hate myself too (contradiction AGAIN)..so why would she want me?? She tells me to go have fun and we will get to know each other. What does THAT mean? Pft.. What WOULD she see in me? What would anyone. I will seriously ruin this..just like the many before. I don't mean to..it just happens. Stupid freak outs. I really hate them. Sometimes life is just too hard, isn't it? Mental health sucks.

Big wibble last night..but hopefully passed. Sorry for the rant xx

you dont need to apologise for the rant muse. i know how hard it is tyring to get things done when your moods change for no reason and it messes you up so much you cant cope and just want it to stop. your not alone even though it feels like it when you get like that. and from what you have told me she seems to want to get to know every part of you even the bad parts because she likes you for you. you know if you need to let some steam off you can do it on here or talk to one of us. trust me there are lots of people who say you can talk but i know what its like when your like that. you just cant talk to them. but please try. you will feel better instead of bottling it up. believe me on that one. it can make you sick inside. i hope you feel better soon. xxxxxxx

Hi Muse, Ry's right if you can't let off steam/rant to your friend who can you rant to we all struggle with our own demons from time to time and you are no different remeber your ghostie friends are here for you

Aww..I love my ghostie friends. Thank you x

hey vicks,

You know i'm always here when you need me! woudn't say i'm that fab at giving advice (you probably know that already! ) but i am good at listening, always ready for an earbashing if you need to give one! xx

Oh tots, don't worry your light is at the end of the tunnel and fingers crossed on the 31st you will get your keys and be in your own home where you will be able to sleeo in peace and not have to walk in a wet bathroom (hee hee) and get your pj's wet!!!

Try eating lettuce before you go to bed it is suppose to be a natural remedy for helping you to sleep - don't know if it works but it might be worth a try....... you can report back!!!!

oh dear tots remember to breath ..... well you can't have killed her as i have not heard anything on the radio or the TV so yo must have calmed down a little and remeber its not long now till you get rid of her and have your own space again and if that don't work then i canrecommend holding them over the top of the stairs by their t shirt and threntening to throw them head first down the stairs if they don't leave you alone.....funny my sister never tried to hit me or steel any of my stuff after that

i am tired of getting angry and annoyed alot. it is a horrible feeling and when i calm down i feel even worse. ive been like it today and i hope this week goes ok for me as im sick of feeling like this

I've got the pdoc today
talk about crapping myself
fed up with having panic attacks

mmmm Tots i know that feeling well i had my dad at the bottom of the stairs telling me that i did'nt really want to drop my sister down the stairs head first took him about 10mins to convince me that it was'nt worth it when i let go she had to crawl face first to the bottom of the stairs when my dad got hold of her he gave her a wallop and then wehen she went into the kitchen to moan at my mum, my mum smacked her too - -that did make me feel a little better!!!!! we were 18 (me) 9 (her) at the time now adays i would do what your doing and pretend that she does not exsist......but keep breathing and counting to 10 just incase

and KT good luck at the Pdoc today

Life throws a lot of poo at you but you gotta keep smiling coz theres always someone worse off than yourself

lifes a bitch then if you marry one it gets worse

I've just had areally uncomfortable shift.... my one of my colleagues wanted to swap shifts with me on sat, i said yes but my manger said no... so I get the silent treatment!!! how does thet work????

Nina wrote:

and KT good luck at the Pdoc today

Thanks Hun

Fingers crossed, it'll be sorted out soon!

Just try and stay positive KT and remeber we are here if you need to talk

when you are feeling low it can be really hard to get out of it, take each day as it comes and deal with 1 issue at a time - might take longer but your more likely to be successful - i know that from experience. good luck everyone and keep your chins up.

why do ppl have to live soooo far away......

im feeling run down today. plus the horrible comments from my mum about me being jobless doesnt help. it just makes me feel like even more of a failure and dissapointment.

hey you, mr ry now listen to me don't take any notice of what people say your mum was probably just having a bad day and needed to take it out on someone, you being the only one!! see when yve got 4 kids they all get a turn dont let it get you down listen to your other mum and the majority WE LUV YA just the way you are xxxxxxxxxxxx so cheer up!!!! x

Hey Ry, at least your trying to find work, there are 100's of peeps who aren't even bothering . Try not to let it get to you,(easy to say, i know) i'm sure your mum's just frustrated on your behalf and wishes she could do something to help you.

We're all on your side

i agree with fran - good luck with the job hunting.

Chin up Ry

Theres soooo many people in the same boat babe. Keep trying!

No words, just them ^^^^^^^

Actions speak louder than words dear!!!!

Breathe honey!

Im feeling a bit fed up today